So- I have been thinking a lot lately... Where is the book that tells you simple answers, like what do I do when Olivia has a 2 hour crying tantrum over nothing? What to do when Livie says new words and I can't understand, so she throws yet another tantrum? etc. How are you supposed to punish an almost 2 year old that doesn't understand time-outs or getting her dolly or privileges taken away? Olivia has really hit the 'TERRIBLE TWOS' and yes, I am starting to understand why they call them terrible. When she is happy, napped, and fed she couldn't be more fun to be around. It seems like as soon as she decides she wants gum, pop sickles, or treats and can't have them she turns into a raging little monster. There appears to be no reasoning with her.. "Liv you can have it after dinner" "Olivia, how bout we go on a walk, read a book, play dollies..." Olivia's response when in tantrum mode "GUM! GUM! TREATS!" as she cries and screams as if being tortured. It usually ends up that we ignore her, which seems to make things worse, but really, what do you do? We have given in when it's REALLY REALLY bad, but most of the time I don't because I don't want her thinking the tantrum will get her what she wants. I'm just confused. How come other children don't have these crazy tantrums, I'm pretty sure I don't wail and cry on the floor if I can't have a treat, although Brett may disagree ;) Where is she learning this!? Are some kids just born with it!? Is is punishment from God because I did this to my mother when I was little!? Probably...
Monday, July 14, 2008
Where's my manual?
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Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... At least it's like childbirth. I've forgotten most of the tantrums (from your two's anyway!). I know the following is long, but it's good advice. It's normal and wait it out. Funny funny funny. Not to you, though. I love you!
"My 2-year-old throws a major fit every time she doesn't get her way. She has several major tantrums every day. How can I get through this stage and retain my sanity?
Temper tantrums
The first time a toddler has a major tantrum can come as such a surprise to parents that it is difficult to keep from laughing. Even the second or third tantrum can be amusing to watch. However, once it is apparent that this is more than just a little phase, it becomes more difficult for a parent to deal with. Tantrums can start as early as 12 or 15 months, but typically start around 18 to 21 months of age.
One important thing to understand about tantrums is that they are normal behavior, and should therefore not be punished. Toddlers are supposed to have tantrums. Your goal at this age should not be to stop your child's tantrums, but rather to guide your child through them and to minimize the situations that might elicit a tantrum.
This is where the principle of choosing your battles wisely comes in handy. For example, you and your toddler are shopping and she reaches from her seat in the shopping cart and grabs a box of crackers off the shelf. She is quite proud of this feat, and begins to shake and play with the box. Your first instinct may be to take the box away and put it back. After all, you don't buy those particular crackers and you feel your child must learn to keep her hands to herself in the grocery store. Well, as you can imagine, if you take it away, your child is likely to throw a tantrum (your child may not be at the tantrum stage yet). Think for a moment; would you rather have a screaming toddler for the rest of your trip through the store, or would it really kill you to just let her hold the box of crackers, then discreetly set them aside at the checkout line. By letting her hold the box, you aren't giving into her or letting her have her way, because she won't even know it is an issue if you don't intervene. You will be faced with this kind of choice many times each day. By pausing for moment and thinking "is this really something important enough for me to intervene and possibly elicit a tantrum, or is this a small issue not worth fighting over?", you allow your toddler some independence to be herself, and avoid many nerve-wracking temper tantrums.
How should you respond when your 18-month old has a tantrum? The answer to this question will change as baby grows older. During the first few months of the tantrum stage, we suggest you console baby and try to help her through it with reassurance or by distracting her onto a different task. You may also choose simply to let her be, and allow her to roll around on the floor kicking and screaming until she is done. You can also alternate between these two choices, consoling her for a bit, then letting her down to deal with it on her own when she needs to. The older your child gets, your responses may change.
Dr. Bob
I think you just got your manual!
I just read it all, and it seems like really good advice!
Good luck with the "terrible twos"!!!
But if you did this to your mother, the question still remains, where did YOU learn it when you were that age? :)
At first, she will not understand time out. Sam didn't but now fully understands what it means to be sent to the Naughty Spot and doesn't want to go. It's really about consistancy, she will learn if you keep up with it. And when Sam is whining and crying for attention (or a tantrum, which are mild compared to all other children I've seen), I tell him he can go to his room until he calms down. Note: time out is not held in his room. Get a rug or a little chair and designate the spot. (This is a la Supernanny; it works though) Ignoring her is good too because she wants to get you worked up and give in. And Dr. Bob is right: you have to choose your battles and be one step ahead of what you already know will cause a tantrum.
****This is the most important.****
DO NOT underestimate her. She understands far more than she is willing to let on! Trust me.
We have all been there - or are still there now (for us 3 has been worse than 2!) You are not alone. I know that doesn't help any, but you made a comment that other kids don't throw tantrums...they do. They all do. You may not see it, but they do. Just keep trying different things until you find what works. And what works may change several times over the next few years. I have a really good book that you should read called, "The Power of Positive Parenting" by Dr. Glenn Latham. He is LDS, but this book is written for everyone, not just Mormons. It has a lot of really good tips - definitely worth it. Good Luck!
lol! this made me laugh, I guess it just feels good to know that other kids misbehave too.
I totally agree with kristen. Start sending her to time out NOW! it doesn't get easier, so the sooner you start the better.
We did a lot of ignoring, especially when Morgan was younger. Now it's easier to communicate with her and find out what is really bothering her. I also tried to overly praise the good--kids LOVE to be told when they are doing good!
Boy is it motherhood a constant learning "game." From what I see, you are sure an awesome mom! Keep it up. We all struggle.
I know what you mean, Sarah! It's so frustrating, and I agree with the Swanson Family--I think 3 is going to be harder than 2 (Byron is a month and a half away from 3 and the power struggles seem worse than ever)!!! I started time-outs when he was about 20 months or so, sat him in a chair or put him in the corner for not even a full minute at a time, and he quickly learned cause-and-effect...It killed me to hear him cry in the beginning, but now he'll calm down from a tantrum within 30 seconds, if not faster! He knows that if he calms down fast, I'll come in and give him a simple explanation that what he did was wrong. Then he gives me hugs and kisses and gets to come out--it works awesome! You just have to find whatever works for you! Good luck!
We have a very well behaved 2 yr old. Well now he is 3 but what I learned was to tell them something and always always always stick to exactly what you say. If you say you are going to spank her or put her to bed if she doesn't listen you have to do it or else she will never take you seriously. Also if you know her tantrum is over nothing, just ignore her and she will get tired of it and stop. Just advice that has helped me. hope it helps you.
I think it's important to let a child know that you hear their frustrations. Even though we, as adults, think a tantrum may be about 'nothing', it's obviously something to them. To me it's important to acknowledge their frustration and then advance to ignoring them if talking to them doesn't help ;) I just know that when I'm ignored I just get more ticked off and I'm sure it's the same with most people. We all just want to know that someone cares. Toddlers don't know how to communicate so we need to tell them how before we ignore that bad behavior. Does all that make sense?
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