My little miss Olivia is very jealous of her little sister. Lately she has even started to try and act like a baby. Today she had 3 potty accidents (she has not had accidents in many many months now). She claims that Claire doesn't use the potty. For awhile she was hitting, pinching, biting Claire for no real reason. She doesn't do it much any more though luckily. She is ALWAYS looking for a way to get her baby sis in trouble. If Claire does ANY thing that Liv could possibly be in trouble for, she tries to punish Claire. It is VERY frustrating.
What should we do?
Olivia has special time with us, and I try REALLY hard to tell her constantly how cute/funny/unique she is.
I've tried to let her express her feelings to me about Claire, but she doesn't seem to understand. She always tells me she loves Claire. I think she really does love her sister a lot, she is just jealous.
So- how do I help Liv cope with her jealousy? Go ahead, lecture me ;)
The girls really do like each other and laugh at each other often- there are just some underlying issues!
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Jealousy
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7 comments:
Don't ask me! Have you seen that commercial for a show called Parenthood that says, "Parenthood...is why some species eat their young?" Now, I would never eat S or B but you get the point. The other day I had not but taken Ben out of the crib, placed him on the floor, he found a toy, and Sam snatched it! It was like 8am!!! I can leave no lecture, sorry.
Just so you know, Tony and Zach are the same way. We just try really hard to tell Tony that Zach is our baby and only we get to tell him what to do. I was going to mention Liv time but I see you are already doing it. Sometimes we have to just let Tony play in his room by himself. He doesn't mind. They are getting better though just through explaining gently that punishing Zach is our job which seems to help. Otherwise I am still learning myself. Good luck!
I found the following scenario at: http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,3962,00.html . It sure put it into perspective for me. I think that Dr. Spock (not Mr. Spock ;) has a good idea though. Acknowledge their feelings. ...I know you are angry/jealous/frustrated, whatever, but hitting doesn't make it any better...
Anyway, just type in "sibling jealousy" into your search engine and voila, you'll get some ideas. Yes, Livie is REALLY jealous. I'm still worried about Claire's fingers getting slammed in that door! Anyway, see below. It's a good comparison I think. Love you! If I come up with anything else I'll let you know. :)
The following imaginary scenario might help you to see things from the older child's perspective. (It is written from the perspective of a wife, but it could easily be a husband or other partner.)
Imagine that your husband comes home one day with another woman. He announces: "Dear, I love you as much as I always have, but now this person is going to live with us, too. By the way, she is also going to take up a lot of my time and attention because I'm crazy about her. She is more helpless and needy than you are anyway. Isn't that wonderful? Aren't you delighted?"
How would you feel about that new woman in your family?
I haven't gone through this...yet, but I have an idea you could try. I heard something similar on Dr. Laura. It may not work, but I thought I would mention it.
Livie obviously feels that the baby gets more attention, has more fun, etc. You should make her aware of all the things big girls can do, that babies cannot.
While letting her do your hair: "Wow, Liv, I am glad you can help me with my hair! Babies like Claire cannot do hair pretty like you can. Isn't it great to be a big girl?"
"Hey Olivia, do you want to color? Claire is too little to color, because she is still a baby. Since you are a big girl, you can color if you want!"
Think of as many of these scenarios. When you see her doing something only big girls can do...reinforce that good behavior like crazy! "Wow, what a big girl! I am so glad to have you in our family! I am proud of what a big girl you are becoming" (cheesy, I know!) Constantly talk about the things she can do as a big girl. Let her know that she was once a baby like Claire and couldn't do things, but that you are glad she "gets" to do so many FUN things now. She needs to see that being a big girl is just as good and fun as being a baby like Claire...if not more fun!
Another things to do at the same time (or after a few days) is put her in charge of Claire for a few minutes every day. Let her choose what Claire will wear or play with every now and then because she is a big girl and can make decisions!
Hopefully, if you do those things for about a week (maybe less), she will really start to see the perks of being the older, bigger sister!
I hope that helps. Good Luck!
Sorry...one more thing. It is about Olivia wanting to punish Claire because Claire doesn't get in trouble for the same things. Hopefully, when she realizes that they are NOT the same and that big girls and babies are different and can do different things, you can explain that they also don't get in trouble for the same things. Let her know that Claire doesn't understand and know as much because she is a baby. Anyways, I am sure you get the idea. Love ya,
Bye!
I'm so sorry Sarah, I think it's something that every sibling goes through, my sisters kids did the sam thing- BUT- I bet she will love your 3rd baby, this was a first for Olivia, new territory, I would bet she will love the 3rd, that was the pattern with my silbings kids.
3rd Baby. I can't IMAGINE a third baby. Can you? I don't get to see enough of the ones I have. Should I move there or you move here? One or the other. ;)
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